Culture 'combine-ation'

So it appears the Wurzels and their classic "I’ve got a brand new combine harvester" never made it over the pond. Tragic. I am doing my best to share the joy. Sing it with me now….

Work avoidance? Never!

For anyone who is interested here are all the lyrics to ‘I’ve got a brand new combine harvester’. Looked them up, partly as my work is dull and partly because having just the one or two lines I know going round in my head on a rather regular basis has been driving me potty.

I drove my tractor through your haystack last night
(ooh aah ooh aah)
I threw me pitchfork at your dog to keep quiet
(ooh aah ooh aah)
Now something’s telling me
That you’m avoiding me
Come on now darling you’ve got something I need

Cuz I got a brand new combine harvester
An’ I’ll give you the key
Come on now let’s get together
In perfect harmony
I got twenty acres
An’ you got forty-three
Now I got a brand new combine harvester
An’ I’ll give you the key

She made I laugh ha ha

I’ll stick by you, I’ll give you all that you need
We’ll ‘ave twins and triplets
I’m a man built for speed
And you know I’ll love you darlin’
So give me your hand
But what I want the most
Is all they acres of land

Cuz I got a brand new combine harvester
An’ I’ll give you the key
Come on now let’s get together
In perfect harmony
I got twenty acres
An’ you got forty-three
Now I got a brand new combine harvester
An’ I’ll give you the key

Ooaah she’s a lovely bit of stuff an’ all

For seven long years I’ve been alone in this place
Eat, sleep, in the kitchen, it’s a proper disgrace
Now if I cleaned it up would you change your mind
I’ll give up drinking scrumpy and that lager and lime

Cuz I got a brand new combine harvester
An’ I’ll give you the key
Come on now let’s get together
In perfect harmony
I got twenty acres
An’ you got forty-three
Now I got a brand new combine harvester
An’ I’ll give you the key

Who loves ya baby ha

Weren’t we a grand couple at that last wurzel dance
I wore brand new gaters and me cordouroy pants
In your new Sunday dress with your perfume smelling grand
We had our photos took and us holding hands

Now I got a brand new combine harvester
An’ I’ll give you the key
Now that we’me both past our fifties I think that you and me
Should stop this galavanting and will you marry me
Coz I got a brand new combine harvester
An’ I’ll give you the key

Aahh yu’re a fine looking woman and I can’t wait to get me ‘ands on your land

Am I not quirky enough for science?

An odd question you may think - perhaps you find me quite quirky enough. Well today I realised that when it comes to being an expert in something, if you are really dedicated, you develop some rather odd habits to go hand in hand with it. I have yet to establish that. A group of us went out to lunch with a palaeontologist today (or a paleontologist if you are an american against the extra a’s). This particular person studies vertebrates and also will only eat meats that come from a vertebrate - but they will only indulge in one vertebrate at a time. Heaven forbid a vertebrate mix should occur! It is hard not to conclude that it is their study of vertebrates that has led to this quirk, although I have no direct evidence to support this. But I am left with the urge to develop a planetary related oddity.

Oh I should say I enjoyed lunch and the talk the said scientist gave afterwards. I like palaeontology.

Here comes the bride

I have been asked to be a bridesmaid today, HURRAH! This will make it my third time down the aisle not wearing white (or all those other things the bride gets to do) so let’s hope the old adage of ‘three times a bridesmaid never a bride’ is just that - an adage and not the truth. I am really excited for K though, plus she has good taste so I do not anticipate having to wear some ghastly pink poofy dress. All the other bridesmaids are also.. how shall I say… similarly proportioned to me too so I don’t have to worry about squeezing myself into some strapless dress with no space for various bits of me, with the result that they pop out half way through the ceremony. Phew! Was that TMI, does it need a rating to warn children away? I hope not.

I have been working rather hard of late and don’t really have a whole lot to say about my life other than I love coffee and am going through a bad patch in my relationship with my bed. We both believe I should be spending more time in it and less at work but sometimes these things just aren’t possible. We may have to go to couple’s therapy to resolve the issue as I do worry it feels lonely at home with only the odd cuddly toy to keep it company in the morning hours when I used to be there. Poor thing.

Ink Blot Tests

I seem to be spending a lot of time in front of the computer going cross-eyed of late, which is impressive as I actually cannot go cross-eyed (no really I can’t it is an impossibility).

New places

This weekend I visited two new states (well new to me they aren’t new in general), namely Ohio and Indiana. I went on a Geology field trip with 8 other miscreants, one of them being the palaeontology guy in our department - so unsurprisingly we we looking for fossils.

It was a lot of fun, although on Saturday it rained, and I mean poured. Naturally, at this time we were on the top of a outcrop with no fast way back to the van and so we got drenched. Luckily none of us girls were wearing white T-shirts as that would have been a nice little sideshow otherwise. The guys, of course, were able to take their shirts off and wring them out whereas we sat in out sopping clothes. Although I must be honest and say I had a waterproof jacket on and so my top half was dry, my jeans, however, were not and weighed about 10 times more than when I had put them on that morning. Plus they are a little big and with the extra weight keeping them up was no mean feat.

We camped Saturday night and then on Sunday went to find more fossils, in the sun (HURRAH) and made a trip to the Cincinnati Natural History Museum, which was wonderful. I literally fell into bed last night as I was all tuckered out - but not before hanging bits of my tent off every door in my apartment, it needed to dry out. I walked into one forgetfully this morning and got a face full of damp, slightly smelly, muddy tent. Nice!

My baby...

I just got a new external hard drive, and it looks like a piece of lego and is fire-engine red. It is wonderful and I love it. Apparently I have over 55,000 files to back-up…. does that not deserve a PhD in itself?

Pulling out my hair

Today I have been mostly stressing…

I think a combination of jet-lag, too much caffeine, a lot of work, and too little sleep have all come together to produce a rather strung-out me. I am sort of sitting on the edge, a precipice if you will, looking down at the huge cliff face I am about to fall down. I know I am being irrational so no one get all hyper concerned about me. I have a nice weekend planned so all this work will be well rewarded. Just no one mess with me in the meantime. Grrrrrrrrrrr.

Anyway on a lighter note I said I might show some pictures of my camping trip, if only to prove to some unbelievers that Scotland can be beautiful and sunny. It does relax me some to think about how lovely it was to be there, cannot believe that was under a week ago.



Ahhh brilliant. The next one you all have to wonder at as S risked her life getting this close to the bull. He even threatened to charge her at one point, I was most concerned.



And last but not least a picture of The Lochan. This was shown on the front of our ordnance survey map and we wondered at its beauty (we oooooed and ahhhhhed). So we went off in search of the area shown in the aforementioned picture. This is my version. Still bloomin’ beautiful though I hope you’ll agree.

Catch-up

Thought I would take a nice welcome break from work (at 5.30pm, when I was here before 7am!) to blog, because I quite like the whole blogging process. Anyway thought perhaps a quick description of what I was doing while I was away last was in order (just in case anyone was dying to know, I don’t want blood on my hands you see).

Well I flew on the 7th, so morning of the 8th I arrived back in the UK, feeling somewhat rough. The man next to me on the plane this time was more normal. He worked for a rock music recording company or something, but then he was flying economy so maybe he was just taking the opportunity to pretend he had his dream job, when actually he was a cleaner or something. The wonderful M drove down that evening just in time to go to the pub (clever lad) and then I fell into bed and was only woken when breakfast was brought to me (see he is wonderful!). We went to a village fete, which even by village fete standards was a bit dull and so abandoned it for a walk (the one with the abundance of daddy long legs). We got stared at by sheep a lot, I guess they normally only get grass and stuff to look at so by golly we were interesting! That evening had a big meal out with some of my friends and stayed over (allowing alcohol to be consumed by those who normally drive - i.e. not me).

Then it was to Bristol for my conference, I had a wonderful chaffeur over there (whose identity is given away by the adjective used to describe him). However, my company left and I had to fend for myself in University housing for a few days. Was rather nice to be back in a city where I could walk around - I do miss that over here. I won’t talk about the conference or you will all get bored, it happened and that’s all you need to know. Got the train back home and got ready to fly to Glasgow next day where S and I were going camping in the scottish highlands. One night in a bed and then two in a tent, fabulous. Had a ball - may expand on it later with pictures. Then I flew back down south with just enough time to pack and go to the pub before leaving next morning for the USA.

Phew…. I’m tired.

All bugs are bad

Ok so I know all bugs aren’t bad - most of them serve a purpose, although if I remember my pointless general knowledge wasps are one of the few things that appear to have no purpose. But then define purpose… actually I am way too tired to argue philosophical points - having said that philosophical conversations are often best in the small hours but there is just me here and a lot of men in pinstripes and I think I am best keeping quiet.

Why the attack on bugs anyway you may ask? If you didn’t ask it then well fine, read my blog and don’t play along! Well it all started at the weekend where the Scottish midges and mosquitoes found me and S rather attractive - turns out there is no such thing as a free campsite, you pay in blood! I am left rather itchy and looking somewhat like I have the measles (no seriously it is not a good look). I probably could have forgiven the bug world if that is where it ended but that is where it just began….

So in my home village we are currently under seige by crane flies (daddy long legs to the Brits who read this but bizarrely the Americans seem to call a different thing daddy long legs so I get most confused). M and I experienced this my first weekend home on a walk through the fields, where every footstep sent up clouds of the little buggers. They like the light, as many annoying many legged, flying things are want to do and this means they want in your house. You cannot keep them out and last night a flock of them flew in when I brough the laundry in. Not so bad you would say, annoying but not worthy of a blog mention - well listen to what happened next.

I was relieving myself (having a wee - TMI I am sure but the story cannot go on without me sharing this gory information) and there was movement beneath me. Not in a position to jump up, I was nevertheless VERY alarmed and all of a sudden a daddy long legs flew out from between my legs from their inner bowl hiding place. Now I am sure he or she may have been more scarred by the whole thing more than me but I am sorry I will now always wonder what will emerge from the bowl when nature calls.

First class treatment

I am currently esconsced in the posh first class lounge at Newark airport, a seven hour layover sort of neccesitated some comfort so I splashed out. Thought I might take this opportunity to update my much neglected blog. There was a severe lack of internet the last 10 days - now up in the Highlands in a tent that was to be expected but I feel a conference with no organised internet is a poor one, but I don’t wish to rant about that. I thought I would talk about the people I have met on my travels - well the planes anyway.

On my last jaunt back this way I sat next to a most odd man, the sort you see on telly who have been bad men and whose neighbours always say ‘he kept to himself’. I am sure he was perfectly nice but that does not a good story make. He sort of smelt funny and it was only when the food was brought I realised the smell had not been coming from him, but the pocket in front of him. He had brought cheese with him… lots of cheese. I am talking parmesan, brie, and cheddar here. Now I find that when it comes to aeroplane food they are always rather heavy on the cheese (so I order a special meal as cheese and me have a love-hate relationship). This man clearly disagreed as he whipped out his bag o’ cheese and added some to the main meal. Fair enough, but then our snack (well his snack) was a four-cheese pizza and out comes the cheese again, huge chunks making it less a pizza and more a tower of cheese with a bread foundation.

Anyway the whole time this is going on all I can think of is that Monty Python skit where John Cleese is being interviewed as one of the ‘mice men’:

"Well… I was about seventeen and some mates and me went to a party, and, er… we had quite a lot to drink… and then some of the fellows there … started handing … cheese around … and well just out of curiosity I tried a bit … and well that was that."

Tee Heee I love Monty Python.

Time zones mean nothing to me

So I am on yet another plane tomorrow heading back the way I only just came, and moving forward 5 hours that I just went back. It is all a bit confusing. My brain went a bit mental last night and kept me up till 3.30am - and I know it had to be the brain because trust me the body was more than happy in bed, shame I just can’t put the former in a jar so I can get a good night’s sleep and put it back in again in the morning. But knowing me I would knock over the jar and then my chances of graduating would just be a mess all over the carpet - then I would have to vacuum and I really HATE to vacuum (I still do it before you all accuse me of being gross).

I think I am pretty much packed, although no doubt I will arrive at home and realise I have forgotten something really important - like trousers, or all my bras. At least if the latter happens I can just pretend I am all about the women’s movement and freedom from bras (personally though I rather like bras, they are a woman’s defense against the inevitable effects of gravity). I probably shouldn’t talk about bras on my blog.

The next two weeks I will probably blog relatively erratically as I do not know what sort of internet access I will have most of the time - but rest assured I will keep everyone updated on my travels. Oh and in case anyone is worried I have packed bras - and trousers too so all is well.

The power of suggestion

It has been one of those days where lots of people told me I look tired, and eventually the power of suggestion overcomes me and I start to feel tired. Think it is because I have been staring at a computer screen all day, clicking the mouse when necessary and letting my brain have a rest. Don’t get me wrong, I quite like mind-numbing tasks that require little of my neurons - I find collating and photocopying quite soothing in their own way (I think I would have made a good entry-level secretary). Once the eyes start to glaze over the rest of the day is lost though, I feel slightly disconnected (although in a different way from yesterday when I accidentally inhaled too much nail varnish, that was a lesson learnt and not to be repeated).

On the very upside I leave for the UK in under two days - a trip for which I am totally unprepared. This travelling the pond thing is great, but not twice in a month. Now if you will excuse me I have to go stare at a screen for a few more hours until the time comes when I can shut my eyes and see it in my sleep instead.

I didn't inhale.....

Been painting my nails (progressed to looking like a small child did them, as opposed to a monkey) and wooooo I am light headed - that nail varnish is crazy stuff.

Lists

Things I love, a non-inclusive list:

(Which by the way will probably grow throughout the day as I think of more stuff)

1. The obvious friends and family stuff - and the wonderful M
2. Lists - oh yes we like lists, making them, crossing stuff off, they are grrrreat (to take Tony the tiger’s saying)
3. Words with double letters in them, like woggle, wiggle, lolliopop, google, gaggle, wibble, jiggle, loony, lollygagger.. ooh I could go on for ages on this one.
4. White seedless grapes
5. Laughing
6. Crosswords, sudoku and other puzzles
7. Reading
8. Singing along to the radio in my car
9. Travel
10. Sleeping
11. Hugs
12. Writing letters
13. Coffee
14. Tea

Bleurgh!

Today I am unwell and do not wish to blog the unpleasant details. So everyone take a day off and I’ll be back tomorrow.

Weird people

So today’s blog is about etiquette. When listening in to other people’s conversations (we all do it people let’s get honest here) it should not be obvious to said people that you are eavesdropping. If they are it will only bring an abrupt end to the chatter you are so rudely, but intently, listening to anyway.

This week at Starbucks I was having a little chat to J (sounds like a men in black character) and the girl next to me was just staring at us, quite clearly very interested in what we were discussing (which is odd in itself as we were talking about departmental politic stuff really). She was really rather creepy, she did not even take a break in the stare down to sip her coffee, but she had the coffee to mouth delivery system down pretty well - I don’t, if I did not look I would pour the coffee down my front, but enough of my inadequacies. It was creepy. We ended up sort of turning our chairs and not breaking eye contact as she sort of looked like she would randomly join our conversation at any point.

Now the moral of this story boys and girls is if you are going to be rude and listen in to a converstion - be rude subtely and without any staring.